…randomness. GROSS randomness.

…’Cause you are my first love and first love never ever dies.

But yeah, i’m willing to be ambushed because i just wrote this.

O_o

*BANG! BANG! BANG!

dreams on law.

Last summer, while suffering the scorching heat of this tropical country named Philippines, a balloon of thought just popped out of my head.  Being the outspoken that i was, i immediately told this to Mom.  I remember her staring at me blankly after I told her that my ultimate dream and goal after college WAS to go shopping on an everyday basis.  More often than having grocery.  And not just the usual SM department store shopping but the elite way of shopping like bagging a lot of LV, Prada, Gucci and also cheaper ones like Zara, Topshop and Ninewest.  I was expecting her jaw to drop, but to my dismay, there was just a blank expression painted on her face.  It took her about 3 seconds to utter a word, “Ganun? Sige, mag-aral kang mabuti para yumaman ka agad.“  I know she was just trying to keep herself away from killing my optimism towards finishing college.  This went unexpected for her knowing that she anticipates of hearing something like, “I’m gonna shoulder all the bills and expenses of this household as soon as i get a job,” or “I’m going to pay for Reigina’s college tuition,” or worse, “I’m gonna bring you and Dad to America and marry a blue-eyed pervert so i can get a green card easily.“  Sorry Ma, that would NEVER (i’m saying never as of now…but things might change, who knows) tell you that.  Too selfish to give you that kind of assurance.  Though I might fulfill the first and the second options…but omigod, there are  so many Bulgari fragrances and Victoria secret’s panties await me to bag them down.

But okay, if you notice, i capitalized the word WAS.

And just recently, I told my parents that i’m planning to go to Law school after college.  Now, unlike my mom’s reaction before, their lips were as if curving up forming an unwanted smile.  My parents, both being frustrated lawyers, have always wanted to have an attorney for a daughter.  Being frustrated twice when my sister made them hope that she’s going to law school but chose to start a family as soon as she passed the board exams, they’re now putting all the hopes to me.  Mom thinks i’m lawyer-able considering that i always have good defenses against her.  But before their expectations reach maximum-level, i told them it’s me and the law school but that would not be UP Law or Ateneo Law.  Thinking that it would cause me another dose of stress just to go to those law schools, i prefer San Beda or San Sebastian (where Dad had his first year of law).  I think that would still be okay with them.

Everytime we watch Legally Blonde which is mom’s favorite movie of all time, she always tells me how she wanted me to be like Elle Woods.  The most kikay lawyer on Earth??? Blonde, wearing pink, big curls, pink pumps?! OMG.  Okaaay, Elle Woods is cute.  But i don’t want to be cute, and be the point of all ridicules.  I’ve already passed the phase of being cute (hahahaha!) and now, all i wanted was to go to Law School.  I don’t want to take away my mom’s dream of transforming me to another Elle Woods but i also might consider the option of looking for an Emmett in law school. HAHAHAHA.

***

20 things i want to say to certain people

List 20 things you want to say to certain people but you know you never will. Don’t say who they are. Then, post the list entitled “20 things i want to say to certain people”.

1. You know what, it gives me a relief knowing that i’m not gonna spend a day with you. That’s why i can’t make myself hate Wednesdays even if it takes me 3 straight hours of listening to Prof Abaya. It’s just so…cool not having you around. I don’t know why you make me feel so intimidated and awkward about being with you ALONE. And please, be careful with your words. Calling me a dog because of my scarf?! C’mon. Get yourself a chill, man. Humor is way different from the word ‘offending’, mind you.

2. It astounds me on how you fake things. Like the way you fake things with me, you’re all of a sudden this nice and caring without realizing how much you hurt me recently. It’s been what, * years? But in that span of time, i haven’t really seen the real you. Another fascinating (OMG, Sir Chong sorry for using this word. I don’t mean projecting an erect pen*s on this context. HAHAHA) thing about you is that you always push yourself to be this kind of person, which kinda worked and made blinding effect on you. People see you as the sweet one, but never did they know that you ‘dumped‘ me and another person i know in just a snap? Ghad, thank you for that! I cannot forgive myself for having you as a ‘friend‘ for the rest of my life. And oh dear, have you ever encountered the words TRUE FRIENDS? I bet not. You haven’t found one yet.

3. You’re my complete opposite. And i love the fact that i had met you and been friends with you. You’re like me that’s flipped (not flipped in a crazy way ha). You love simple and i love extravagant. I’m into candy-colored nail polishes and you are into i-don’t-like-nail-polish policy. It’s so cool realizing that i’m close with someone…that’s not like me and 1000km away from being me. And oh, don’t you know that i can’t imagine college not having you around. Though at times you are being the queen of sarcasm, you’re the first person that comes to my mind when it comes to opening up. You’re one of the best listeners i’ve ever met and i wonder how you make people feel comfortable whenever they’re with you. OMG, i’m getting cheesy here.

4. I miss you. I miss the old you. I cannot just accept the fact that we’re getting old, getting mature and getting farther away from each other. I haven’t heard news about you. You haven’t told me any. I want us to bond again, laugh together, bitch around, hunt for hot boys, window-shop and just sit in a fast food with us, face to face with each other…just like what we used to do back then when things were plainly constant and did not have any clues of change. I’m in tears right now. Shocks, i miss you bigtime.

5. It’s funny realizing how much we’ve grown. Remember our pandanggo sa ilaw days back prep school where all our concern was not to drop the bulb inside the cup we used in dancing? And Ghad, look at us now, we’re talking about assets and liabilities! You’re one of the reasons why i consider myself a good person –And that’s because i’m friends with you. I bet God really made us in such a way that we’re fit to be best friends forever. No, you’re more than a bestfriend to me, more like a sister, a twin sister. With you, i learned how to dream big for myself and put a road towards that big dream. You’ve always been there. I love you, bestchum.

6. Okay, you’re the only person who can be honest to me without getting me hurt. I remember how you bravely told me that you didn’t like the way i talked on a certain party and you kept on reminding me on considering the option of renovating myself in order to have a love life. I love how you advise me in a funny way but with a deep context. I love your honest opinions regarding the way i act, the way i dress up, the way i choose my bikini and all that. Who on earth would find someone like you whom i can talk to with even the girliest stuff like menstruation and swimsuits considering that you’re a straight man who had a girlfriend? I’m so lucky having you as bestfriend. And i think we still have work to do regarding your fashion sense. It’s becoming too trendy. HAHAHA. We’ll work on that. I miss and love you. Be back soon.

7. You have no clue how much it grosses me out whenever i think of the moment i kinda ‘flirted’ with you. HAHAHAHA! I’m happy that you’re happy now. I’m just disturbed with the things i found out about you recently. I’m in no position to judge you but it really….uh, okay, i’m shutting up. Sorry for stalking much about you. I’ll stop as soon as i make myself believe that i didn’t really like you even before. That’s impossible. )

8. OMG, YOU HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH #7??? That’s no surprise. HAHAHAHA!

9. Remember the time in junior year when everything was screwed up? You literally told me to put my head on your shoulder and i cried there. Your sleeves were wet but you still kept on patting my back. You did not run out of encouraging words back then and that made me feel better. Up to now, you’re still the same. You never left me hanging. I’m glad that you’re my classmate in a subject again after highschool. I miss having talks with you. And about the she-dumping-you thing? Forget that. We always have each other. You’re wonderful that’s why i love you.

10. I think you like me. HAHAHAHA! Okaaaay, you’re a girl, but i think you’re getting lesbo over me. Another HAHAHAHA! You’re this extra good to me and that’s weird. Thinking that i made you really feel horrible in the past, the only reason why you’re extra kind to me is that you like me…unless you wanna be good friends with a bitch named Rina. HAHAHAHA!

11. I MISS YOOOOUUUU. You’re like a little sister to me…OR, you’re like my little sister. You had this really cute smirk that makes me miss you more whenever i picture that in my mind. Please visit us ’cause we miss you terribly.

12. This may sound kinda sarcastic…but i feel jealous whenever i see your name on my YM list. HAHAHAHA! So much has been changed since October. Your avatar is different now as well as your status messages. It’s now intended for another girl knowing that it used to be me. HAHAHAHA!

13. Hi. If i were to decide for your death, i’d give you a slow and painful one. I’ll tie your hands at your back and drag you on your knees and command you to lick every shit you see on the way. After that, i would take pity on you and will let others just bang you on the head then to your heart. BWAHAHAHA! You’ve always had a bad mouth since i met you. I think you deserve that.

14. It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have been me. HAHAHA! You made the wrong choice AGAIN. That wouldn’t last, i bet. HAHAHA!

15. You’re crazy. And i love it. I love that i can share my craziness with you. Not just craziness, but almost everything. Ideas on clothes, on crushes, on shoes, on bags, on bisexuality, on everything! And yeah, college is a hell of crazy whatevers because of you. And you’re one of the best actresses ever. Have i mentioned best? Omigod, you kept my ass laughing out loud just watching you perform on stage. I loooove you.

16. Bus mate. Whenever i get a chance to take a commute on the way home, i realized that bus rides without you is dull. You’re a good listener and i can never forget the times we sing our lungs out inside the bus. Though you always tease me to the wrong persons, i always appreciated your listening to me even if you’ve heard my stories for like 3 times already WITHOUT COMPLAINING. Hahahaha! I love yooouuu.

17. You’re such a sweet girl. But it’s weird that i can’t take having long conversations with you. ><

18. I haven’t thanked you yet for the times we had a conspiracy when that person ‘dumped’ me. We had ‘chamihan’ over friendster and our status messages thinking that those persons would get affected. I think they did not. HAHAHAH. But we enjoyed doing that. That’s crazy, really crazy. Thank you for being there and telling me that it’s okay, i still got you. I looooove yoooouuuu.

19. Thank you for believing in me.

20. You’re the most intelligent person i’ve ever encountered in my life. You made my Tuesdays and Fridays worth waking up early just be in your class on time. Without you knowing it, i’ve learned a lot from you, not only on vag*nas, desire, heart, phallic symbols, culture, arts, etc but A LOT. All UP professors should be like you.

Random Ramblings.

This morning, i noticed that dad was only wearing a plain white shirt without collar which is quite unusual since i’m used to seeing him in his uniform or a collared polo. Then i asked him, “Dad, bat ganyan lang suot mo?”. He answered me with a puzzled look on his face as if trying to wake up my common sense, “naiinitan ako eh.” Then i realize how much i envy Dad. Well, not only dad but also the people like him.  Unlike me, they wouldn’t have to spend a minimum of 30 minutes just thinking to what shirt/polo or pants to wear.  Every morning, i ransack and put in chaos my whole closet just looking for the IT clothes of the day.  And then i thought, this is probably the saddest part of not having a pretty face. You have to put much effort on making yourself look good and feel good. Okaaaay, this is not self pity. But a shallow realization.

***

Today, i was ALMOST late for HumII. I had to run from UN station to AS just to be there on time. I cannot forgive myself for missing even a single word from Sir Chong’s class.

It was Dad’s fault! It was almost 7am when we both finished preparing. And when i was about to step in to the car, he told me to wait ’cause he has to poop. Daaaaad, WRONG TIMING!

But it’s okay. Good thing, i was able to make it to school at exactly 8:30 am.

***

We had to go to Met Museum today for a lecture. Omigod, there were new galleries now! I so missed working in Met.

***

So yeah. Random ramblings over.

Film, school.

Okaaaay, it’s been two weeks since school started. And it’s just the other night when i found out that i passed Film in Diliman. Buti na lang, i signed a contract in PhilArts that i’m not allowed to shift anywhere else. BUTI NA LANG (sacrcastic to). Hindi ko kasi tinignan agad yung results.

I never thought i would make it ’cause there were like a hundred people lining up for the interview and they would only accept those who will get 70% on both written exam and the interview. The panel on the interview were all stones, bitchy stones. There were 31 of us who got accepted. I belong to the category B, the conditional pass section where i have to maintain a grade of 2.25. I think my CWA didn’t reach the cut off that’s why i was in category B. My GWA is pretty good but the grades i had for my GE subjects were so-so and that made the count for my CWA.

During the interview, i saw people who had greater passion for film than i do. That’s when i realized that it’s not for me. Considering how much i was inlove with my course, Philarts, i decided not to pursue Film anymore until an old schoolmate popped me a message in YM that she saw my name on the list, i was like, CONFUSED! I thought i did not make it. But God was good.

But okaaaay. Wala na akong magagawa. Since my first day in college, i’ve always been inlove with Philarts. Ang iniisip ko na lang, at least with Philarts, i have the chance to explore more on the different art forms and would not be boxed only on film. No regrets. I can still get into Film with my course eh. Hello Arts Management galore!

Film as second degree or law school? WAAAAAH.

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